he was CRYING into my vagina
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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