I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
