so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
