Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
