trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
