im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
