I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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