i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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