Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
