Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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