Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize