Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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