Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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