My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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