Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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