Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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