I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
