Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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