Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fuck appropriateness.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
