he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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