do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just found puke in my bra..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
