I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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