My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
