he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
