booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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