Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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