I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
