i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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