At least make sure they are 18
Why
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
