we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
