When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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