I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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