I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
