Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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