but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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