return my video game
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
