Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
