i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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