It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
