Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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