And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize