for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
