he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
