He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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