youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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