i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
