bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just want to make out with him forever
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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