2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They took my balls.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
