that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
