The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
