I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
