You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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