i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
