I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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