I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Alive.
So much puke
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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