fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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