Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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