just tell him i said nine months
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
