True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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