I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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