Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
