And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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