Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
