well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
