I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
