maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
