Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
