im having a threesome with these popsicles
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
