Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
