So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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