New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
