Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
