with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i think i have herpe
just one?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
