its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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