Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
