I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
